Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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