Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
