Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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