We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
