I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
I need to stop coming to work sober
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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