He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
