You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
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