Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
You took a bar mat shot.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
