i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
