Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Randomize
