my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Randomize
