I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
