i wish my penis had a tongue
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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