The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
you made out with another girl for some wings
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
