Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
