im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
wow bdsm is so cute
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
