I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Randomize
