Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Randomize
