If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
we made out on top of his cat.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
