Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
