that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
