i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Randomize
