i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
