There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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