i already hear my dad disowning me
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
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