Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
