Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
