he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
two words...techno handjob
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
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