i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
