Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
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