we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
It's blow job season.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
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