So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
