i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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