My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
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