I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Randomize