she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Randomize
