I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
