my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
