woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Randomize
