i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Randomize
