dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Swine flu is the new snow day.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
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