Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
