I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
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