When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
