I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
