Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Randomize
