I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
