Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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