my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize