singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Randomize
