Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
