I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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