i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
