We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
