I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
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I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
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