I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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