he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
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